Saturday, May 24, 2008

Take a trip around the world in my briefs


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My prediction and hope is that eventually papers will be filled with nothing but snarky little tidbit roundup pieces. Let's go around our world in 500 words, shall we?

• When was the last time you spit AIDS into the mouth of an unwilling police officer? A hot personal question for sure, but Willie Campbell was sentenced to 35 years in prison for using his HIV saliva as a deadly weapon against an arresting Dallas officer.

• Rumer Willis is set to release her first album, entitled My Stepfather is Seven Years Younger Than I Am. Early word is that she has a beautiful smoky baritone voice like her mother.

• Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell is set to marry her backup dancer Ivan "Flipz" Velez despite only dating him a brief period of time. The wedding will take place in London and will be whore-themed.

• John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama.

• Nicole Richie has announced that she now wants to have five children, one for every pound she is away from death. Nicole explained that children need siblings to party with.

• Amy Winehouse has been asked to model during London's Fashion Week by a top British designer. Yay! Vomit-spattered dresses are making a comeback!

• International child collector Angelina Jolie has confirmed that she is having twins. Prediction? One will be Lithuanian and one will be part Chow.

• World food prices continue to steadily increase.

• Anne Heche has told a court that she cannot afford child-support payments of $14,798 a month. When did Anne Heche father a baby?

• Jessica Simpson was reportedly at a restaurant drinking and crying over ex-boyfriend John Mayer's romance with Jennifer Aniston. Now she knows the loss that only a Cowboys fan could understand.

• Republicans blocked the Democrats' war-funding bill.

• FHM's sexiest woman alive, Megan Fox, revealed that she was once too poor to practice personal grooming and couldn't afford a razor, so she wore pants all the time. Her privates crept like kudzu to her mustache until Yeti Illustrated named her Sexiest Woman Alive.

And there is your world!

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