Saturday, May 24, 2008

Take a trip around the world in my briefs


My prediction and hope is that eventually papers will be filled with nothing but snarky little tidbit roundup pieces. Let's go around our world in 500 words, shall we?

• When was the last time you spit AIDS into the mouth of an unwilling police officer? A hot personal question for sure, but Willie Campbell was sentenced to 35 years in prison for using his HIV saliva as a deadly weapon against an arresting Dallas officer.

• Rumer Willis is set to release her first album, entitled My Stepfather is Seven Years Younger Than I Am. Early word is that she has a beautiful smoky baritone voice like her mother.

• Former Spice Girl Geri Halliwell is set to marry her backup dancer Ivan "Flipz" Velez despite only dating him a brief period of time. The wedding will take place in London and will be whore-themed.

• John Edwards endorsed Barack Obama.

• Nicole Richie has announced that she now wants to have five children, one for every pound she is away from death. Nicole explained that children need siblings to party with.

• Amy Winehouse has been asked to model during London's Fashion Week by a top British designer. Yay! Vomit-spattered dresses are making a comeback!

• International child collector Angelina Jolie has confirmed that she is having twins. Prediction? One will be Lithuanian and one will be part Chow.

• World food prices continue to steadily increase.

• Anne Heche has told a court that she cannot afford child-support payments of $14,798 a month. When did Anne Heche father a baby?

• Jessica Simpson was reportedly at a restaurant drinking and crying over ex-boyfriend John Mayer's romance with Jennifer Aniston. Now she knows the loss that only a Cowboys fan could understand.

• Republicans blocked the Democrats' war-funding bill.

• FHM's sexiest woman alive, Megan Fox, revealed that she was once too poor to practice personal grooming and couldn't afford a razor, so she wore pants all the time. Her privates crept like kudzu to her mustache until Yeti Illustrated named her Sexiest Woman Alive.

And there is your world!

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